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James [4:1-3] asks the question, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” Why do you fight? James does NOT say, “You are fighting because the other person is a blockhead; because your hormones are raging; because a demon of anger took up residence; because humans have an aggression gene hardwired in by our evolutionary history; because your father used to react in the same way; because core needs are not being met; because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and had a bad day at work.”

Instead, James says, you fight because of “your desires that battle within you. You want something but don’t get it.” The biblical analysis is straightforward and cuts to the core. You fight for one reason: because you don’t get what you want. It does “take two to tango.” So why are you in the dance? You fight because your desire, what pleases or displeases you, what you long for and crave, is frustrated…

Our cravings rule our lives; they directly compete with God Himself for lordship. No problem is more profound and more pervasive…We would act as peacemakers if we obeyed the Lord instead of asserting our desires. But where you find quarrels and fights, you are witnessing people obeying the desires of a different lord.

~David Powlison in “Getting to the Heart of Conflict: Anger, Part 3,” Journal of Biblical Counseling

Photo: OBMonkey

Are You Angry?

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

Ephesians 4:26

In his recent article, “The Angry Person: Always the Last to Know,” Ed Welch of CCEF discusses why individuals with sinful patterns of anger often remain unconvinced they have a problem that needs to be addressed. He offers these questions to help us identify and deal with the sin of anger:

1. Do you stretch and enlarge the category of anger so it includes you? I know a man who doesn’t think he is angry even though every hour or so he threatens to rip off someone’s head. His narrow definition of anger? An angry person actually rips off someone’s head. Since he only wants to rip off someone’s head, he isn’t angry.
2. Have you enlarged the spectrum of your anger by filling in some of the details from the Sermon on the Mount? (Matthew 5:21-22) For example, at one extreme is murder, at the other is our internal muttering, “what a jerk.” What’s in between? Of course, everything on this spectrum is murderous.
3. In the last six months have you confessed your sin of anger, to both God and the injured person?
4. In the last six months have you asked those closest to you, “When have you seen me angry in the last few weeks?” When will you ask them? Is the real cause of your frustration/anger usually something or someone other than you? Do you understand the real cause is not “THEM” and is really “I WANT and I’m not getting what I want”? (James 4:1-10)
5. Do you know that Jesus was never angry because of something done to him? Do you care?
6. Are you ever wrong? Angry people, against all the odds, are nearly always right.
7. “Do you have a right to be angry?” This is God’s patient question to Jonah.

Read the entire article HERE.

Find more help with overcoming anger in David Powlison’s mini-book Anger: Escaping the Maze.

Photo: Marek Bernat

Ask Mel–How Do I Overcome Anger?

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

Ephesians 4:26

Anger wreaks havoc on countless homes and relationships. All of us experience this destructive emotion in varying degrees, but for those struggling with a pattern of anger in their lives, real change can seem nearly impossible. Is there any hope for overcoming this deeply-rooted problem?   

The books I mentioned:

Uprooting Anger by Robert D. Jones

Anger & Stress Management God’s Way by Wayne Mack

If you have a question for Ask Mel, send it to: preciousadornment@gmail.com

Photo: Felix atsoram