You already know I’m excited about bringing Evangelle home. Big-time excited. But, I have to admit, I’m also a little bit nervous.
In a few short weeks (Lord willing), Evangelle will become the major focus of my ministry efforts. She’ll be 9 months old when she arrives home and will be facing a world of adjustments—new food, new language, new people, new side of the globe, etc., etc. I’m truly grateful that I have the opportunity to stay at home and be a full-time mommy to Evangelle during this crucial time of transition. She’s going to need all of the love and attention that she can get, and I’m more than willing to provide it.
But here’s where the nervous part comes in. I’ve never been a mommy before!
Of course, I’ve been reading and planning, but still, I have a lot to learn. So, I was thinking… Maybe you can help me!
I’ll bet you know something that I should know about being a mom, and I’m hoping you’ll be kind enough to share your wisdom with me. Pretty please?
What do you wish someone would have told you before you had children? What practical tips, tricks, habits have made a difference in your home? Have you learned any spiritual lessons that you now believe are vital to motherhood?
Big or little, simple or profound—whatever advice you have to share, I’m ready to take notes!
Image: Allie Hylton
Some people won’t agree with this…they think it squelches “creativity”. But I think that it is important to limit choices. Parents are constantly asking their tiny children what they want. The child rarely make a wise choice and it ultimately diminishes your authority as a parent. Give them what they need and what is good for them and in the end everyone will be happy!
Oh boy! This could open the door for motor-mouth Alison to really go on and on.
. I’ve learned so much! Some of your experience is going to be different just by the transitioning Evangelle to our time zone. In that regard you may have some sleep deprivation yourself. I discovered I truly need sleep. Eventually, without enough of it, I was a lit more fragile emotionally (read cranky and irritable). That affected my ability to be loving and patient all the time. So do prioritize sleep and do make yourself nap when she does.
Aside from that, I have learned to breathe (a little). I’m naturally wound tight. A baby put me even more on edge! I still struggle with this – getting out and juggling baby plus all their “stuff” is a challenge. Fearing not having it together is a hurdle for me even now with Ethan at 17mos! So, I’m learning to release pride (slowly) that I wasn’t even aware I had! I am learning to loosen up and realize that God will protect Ethan despite my failures as a mom (yep, that paci dropped on the floor likely won’t kill Ethan. The Grandparents not abiding with the “rules” won’t undo everything.).
And, I am learning that a child naturally is a wonderful bridge to others’ hearts! You will have even more opportunities although you may have some negative ones sadly here too as strangers will just invite themselves into your lives in the middle of the grocery store aisle! But, what a great chance to extend grace by slowing down, conversing, and displaying Christ even in the smallest way. Not always easy – especially if the strangers get too close, are a little too nosy or unkind in their comments, or when you need to get going! Ha! But, it’s making me more aware of others and how a child can warm a cold heart giving a way to share a piece or all of the Truth in that small window of time.
Okay, I’ll stop monopolizing the comment thread! After all, I expect us to take Ethan and Evangelle out this spring together anyway! A park date is definitely in order!
-Alison
PS. One other great piece of practical advice to me from a friend was to “stalk” other moms! Park in the Babiesrus lot and watch how they manage carseats
As you know, I had 4 children in 3 1/2 years with the twins in the middle. There were 3 in diapers at the same time lol. My advice? I have been homeschooling using ACE like we did and I’ve come to appreciate even more how much it instills God in every part of the curriculum. I know you will be an awesome mom. …but that doesn’t really relate to Evangelle at the moment. So here are some things I’ve found helpful: don’t worry about what needs to be baby-proof..,she will show you. It’s easier to potty train earlier right around or just before she turns 2. Stop the terrible 2 tantrums before they start so she knows they are not allowed. I gave them a little swat on the bottom. It worked, I couldn’t afford to have a 3yr old and twin 2yr olds throwing tantrums while carrying a newborn
. If she wants to sleep in your bed let her. She needs cuddle time with Mom & Dad. Time goes by faster than you think. Mine are 12,10,10 & 8 now.
I agree totally with Cara and Alison too. Parents do overwhelm kids with choices. Limit it to 2 or 3. Alison has a good point, if grandparents have them and spoil them or get the kids off schedule it’s ok. I napped when they napped too. In the beginning I tried staying awake to clean or get things done but I found out that the nap is really needed.
Melissa:
You will be a great mommy (and already are)! What a blessing to be able to stay home and be a full time mommy! My dream!
I found that consistency and flexibility are key. I know those two things seem to contrast, but let me explain. I found that being consistent (with bedtimes, mealtimes, bathtimes, discipline, etc) has really helped my kids know and learn what to expect. I wasn’t a super stickler to schedules (i.e., I didn’t skip functions just because it was my kids’ nap time!) but find that it is very calming to a child to know what is next, especially with Evangelle’s schedule that she is on now in AV. She is probably used to a routine by now. But, I also found that flexibility is the key to your sanity on some days
Some days may not end up as you expected, so flexibility when having a wee one is essential too. I’m learning a lot about ‘going with the flow’ these days!
Another tip is be careful not to compare yourself to other moms! (a trap I sometimes still fall into) You are Evangelle’s mom and what might work for her, might not work for another child. Try not to compare yourself to textbooks either. God (and Evangelle) will show you what she needs and it might look different than another mom and her child. God gave us all mother instincts and you will be surprised how quickly they will kick in (or already have!).
Good luck! You know I’m always here if you have questions – not that I’ll have the answer, but I’ll surely be an ear you can count on
Blessings!
If you haven’t already, read Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic. It is really the only parenting/motherhood book that I’ve found to practically help me with those little, little years. It’s hard to know how to show your children the gospel when they don’t understand much of what you say, or don’t converse with you yet and she helped me understand how to simplify my words and how to demonstrate it in how I react and relate to them. The posts she writes on the blog Femina have also been very very helpful.
Books like Shepherding A Child’s Heart, and Give Them Grace are wonderful in how they explain gospel parenting, but taking those principals and applying them to babies has be the hardest part for me. Two of the biggest things that seemed so simple (and I knew them intellectually) and yet I have to admit I hadn’t applied to parenting is that 1) children are born sinners… practically this means that they know nothing else, we have to teach them that there is another way and that they don’t have to be ruled by sin (this is the hardest one to apply in every day life, for me at least) and 2) you can not expect a child to know how to do something unless you teach them (teach them to obey by demonstrating it, if you want them not to hit tell them no and then show them how to be nice and gentle and kind, etc.).
With Evangelle coming to a whole new world, with all new people, and everything being just completely different I would strongly suggest looking into getting a comfortable carrier that you can wear her in a lot. Something like a Babyhawk Mei Tai is nice and easy and comfortable. You can try a few different things by renting a carrier from here http://www.carrymebabycarriers.com/ so that you can find something you like before buying one.
As Jennifer said, let her sleep in your bed if she wants to. Not only will it help her feel secure and comforted, but it also helps protect against SIDS. Here is some info on how to do it safely: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/sleep-safety/latest-research-co-sleeping-safety (I recommend most using Dr. Sear’s site as a great reference for pretty much anything).
So those are things that I’ve found to be the most important so far. I’m so excited for you! Being a mommy is so wonderful! It’s hard, but mostly it’s amazing.
Oh, one last tip… take time to just marvel at her. Contemplate how God perfectly knit her together. Let her smiles just wash over you.
I could say so much, but for my kids, REST makes all the difference in the world! It seems parents today (at least in our circle) try and keep their own independence at the child(ren)’s expense. Jetting off here and there on errands, late night dinner parties, attending/participating in every possible event, go, go, go! Getting my kids on a good nap/sleep schedule early helped them tremendously! They were much happier when awake, never fought going down unassisted at a very young age (no crying it out for hours as some do when being put down), and they were much more alert to learning (so many studies prove that adequate rest goes hand in hand with being able to learn well).
This can be a tricky subject for some, I know, because we can’t let our kids “control” us and dictate our schedule twenty-four/seven. But, finding the proper balance is what keeps our family running smoothly. Yes, there will be days when your little one(s) will need to miss a nap or go to bed later than normal, but if a good routine is already in place, these minor “bumps” in the road won’t be a big deal. It’s the overly exhausted children who cannot seem to keep their wits about them, making everything a monumental crisis.
It seems so contrary, but the more sleep a child loses, the harder it is for them to sleep. On the flip side, the more sleep a child receives, the easier it is for them to fall asleep. So, for us, we work hard to provide our children with the adequate time to sleep/rest. We know from Creation that even our Maker needed a day to rest!
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth was one of the best gifts I got at a baby shower before our first child was born!
If you make sleep/rest a priority for your family, be prepared for the comments (often unkind and rude) that will come your way from friends or family who don’t understand the specific needs of YOUR child. Don’t let the “ignornace” of their comments sway you from doing what you know is best for your little one. I’m a people pleaser, so this aspect was hard for me in the beinning with our firstborn. But, after our cirlce of friends/family saw how well behaved our first was/is, they quickly refrained from degrading our sleep style and asked for tips for helping get their own children more rested! Just think of yourself. I don’t know about you, but when I’m sleep deprived I’m one cranky lady!
Our children are no different. Okay, stepping off my soap-box now!
Missy,
As you know I’m not a Mom, but a husband, dad of soon-to-be four, and full-time pastor of a growing church. But I’ve learned a great deal from my wife and mom. The main reason I’m leaving a reply is because my parents adopted my sister from Romania when I was 12 years old. She came home to us at about the same age that you’ll be recieving your little one. I can remember my Dad coming out of the taxi from the airport and bringing her to us, and my mom immediately givng her a bath:). I think what I learned from that whole experience is that when you adopt a little one like that from a foreign country, the best thing to do is to hold her, talk to her, and spend as many waking moments as you possibly can with her to help her adjust and become accustomed to you and your husband. She is still young enough, but it is good that you are getting her now so she can become emersed in English and American culture from the onset. I know you are already prepared for this, but time, time, time and touch are key for you and your new daughter in this situation. In my opinion, philosophies like “Baby-wise” and others go out the window due to you particular situation. Basically she’ll become like an attachment of you in so many ways. Enjoy it, and we are happy for you and your family. God Bless!
Erik Hastings
I think it is wonderful that you are already seeking help and advice from other women. With my first child, I somehow felt that I had to prove my capabilities and I didn’t seek help and advice as much as I should have (I read plenty, but didn’t connect my life very well with other women). Now, I am much more eager to call or email friends with questions or prayer requests, and I absolutely love it when people do the same to me. So please, call or write me anytime. I would be honored.
I am confident that you will be a great mom. I know this because you love God, His Word, your husband, and your daughter.
Don’t let Satan steal your joy by magnifying your faults and shortcomings. Parenting will stretch you more than you have ever been stretched. It has brought out the best and the worst in me. But when you do sin, just repent openly, seek God’s wisdom, and get back into joyful parenting.
On the more practical side, check out NoGreaterJoy website for great advice on mothering. Also, if you haven’t researched the vaccination issue, you will want to so that you can make an informed decision. Make health choices for Evangelle that will get to the root of the problem and build her own immune system instead of quickly introducing foreign substances that will take away the symptoms but will have damaging side affects (antibiotics, cold medicine, etc.) Fill her diet with fresh, vitamin rich foods, probiotics, and Omega 3′s. Google “Nourishing Traditions” and learn about whole foods and healthy fats.
It blesses me to think about what a loving family Evangelle has waiting for her.
Patience is something you have to practice. They won’t die if you leave them crying for a minute so you can go to the bathroom. Remain calm – it is difficult sometimes, especially if you are not sure what to do, but the calmer you are, the calmer they will be. PRAY! – it works wonders! Find some moms who are a little more experienced than you that you can ask for advice, but don’t feel bad about not taking it if you don’t think it will work for your family.
I am a mom of 4 wonderful kids ages 16,12,8 (boys) and 4 (girl)! My husband and I are blessed and thank Him all the time! My husband always remind me to just give them all the love they need and discipline them when that need arises. You and husband has to agree on your approach in the discipline area so baby Evangelle will not be confuse who to obey. Just read the book of Proverbs! and PRAY ! Kids are very forgiving and loving little people and just treat them how you want to be treated. Like I said give your daughter all the LOVE she want and she will be content with that. I love it when my 4 year old constantly tells me she loves me everyday!!!!!! You and your husband will be such a big blessing to baby Evangelle.
Hi, Evangeline’s sister here. Just a couple things:
1. You will not regret limiting TV viewing, even “educational” shows, for developmental reasons.
2. “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”–when you correct your kids, doing it in a light, positive manner makes it easier for them to accept than when done in an angry, scolding way. “Oops! here’s how to do better…” Of course sometimes a scolding IS in order.
She will do just fine language-wise. At her age, kids can learn as many languages as they are exposed to. If she knows any Ethiopian (?) yet, you might consider trying to find a native speaker to help her maintain it.
remember you are her mom. no one else. you can get all this wonderful advice, but it comes down to it…you will know her better than anyone. her likes, dislikes, her needs,etc…trust your instincts. and at times, ask for help. sometimes just talking about your concerns with someone else, will give you the wisdom you need to becoming a loving and caring parent. Teach her about the most amazing love of all – the love of Christ. because no only is she adopted by a loving family, so are we if we are Christ’s child.
Melissa, Simply put: Love, Pray, Laugh, Pray some more, Love some more.
Remember that just like with our heavenly Father we can start fresh and anew with a simple prayer and conversation. So with your little girl, when days are tough(and they will be sometimes) a simple prayer and conversation and snuggle will go along way for you both.
Some practical out of the box tips (#1 on my list would be ask your sis’ b/c I happen to think she’s an awesome mommy!!)
They work great in the car and at restaurants usually good around 12-14 months.
This is one tough lesson and I’m preaching to myself too.
- Those new cups Munchkin makes with the slits in the top so they can get snacks without a mess are AWESOME!
- Get a “lingerie” mesh bag to wash her socks/tights in so they don’t seperate in the dryer.
- I put all “play” clothes in the dresser and nice clothes in the closet so hubby knows what to dress my kids in for what occasion and he has a safe zone. That way she doesn’t end up with an “Easter Dress” for a day at the park.
- Put all your rubbermaid containers and pots and pans on lower level in kitchen so she can play with them while you cook/clean.
- Remember that it’s not really a fever until it’s 100.3 and it’s best to allow a fever to do it’s job rather than medicate it away unless they are lethargic or temp is extremely high (usually 103 is high for little ones but not always a trip to the doc. high)
- Take time for you. It’s important. So are date nights. This probably won’t happen for awhile while you are bonding with Evangelle but as time goes on these things will be important.
- Never feel guilty. Hard one to follow. I don’t think God is a God of guilt. I compare guilt to confusion. It halts us and keeps us from moving forward with purpose and this can only be from Satan. So realize that God will shape your family and your parenting for His will and you aren’t going to be like “so and so” because you aren’t them.
I could go on and on as many have said. So excited for you all and this precious story God has written in your life. Evangelle will be blessed beyong measure I am sure.
1. Protect “Home Plate” above all else. Your family – you, your husband, and your children, are key. This will probably be more of a Daddy role most of the time, but protect home. If someone wants you to come over for dinner, to play, etc. and you would feel badly saying no, but you know that doing so would cause issues for your family for some reason, its ok to protect home plate.
2. Consistency. Yes, with discipline, but with everything. When you wake up, what you do when you wake up, how the day “flows”. If children know what to expect – play time, then chores, then food, then tv time, etc. they are much mor elikely to do it without complaint or issue, because they know its just the drill.
3. Be merciful. We all want our children to be “perfect”. To not have the struggles we do, to be better than ourselves, and many times I have found myself being too harsh in regards to sin. I’m their parent, not God, if He is mericiful, I need to show His mercy to them, so they will understand it as they grow.
4. Correct when needed, but find ways to praise. Praise your children 10X as much as you correct them. Its hard, but its worth it.
5. Always connect, as often as you can, following the rules back to being obedient to God. We are not just nice to people because its good to do, but because God wants us to love one another. Stealing is wrong, and its wrong not just because it is against the law, but because God tells us so.
As far as now, since your little girl will still be quite little, =o) just love and hold her as much as she wants. You can spoil your children with stuff, but not with love.
I would say just remember she is being added to your family. A family that is already established. So to help keep things running more smoothly have her try to adapt to your already established life. Now don’t get me wrong I know life will change but it doesn’t need to as much as many think it will need to. I wish I could remember who gave me this advice. It has a been amazing advice for me and our family. Each time we have brought a new sibling into our home everyone has been so excited and overjoyed I have never dealt with siblings or my husband for that matter being jealous of the newest arrival for taking all my time. Yes she will take an unbelievable amount of time, but somehow we have been able to try and establish a new normal similar to what we had before to help keep everyone from feeling left out and possibly unimportant. I know that this can be a very hard adjustment for husbands as well . Your husband is I’m sure overjoyed with the thought of you guys being parents, however he has had you to himself for a long time and hasn’t had to share you or your time with anyone else . Just something to be aware of it can be kinda tricky getting all this stuff figured out. I am so excited for you guys, you will be amazing parents! Oh one last thing her are a few of my favorite books that have helped me out tremendously on this journey. Baby wise and Child wise by the Ezzos, One of my all time favorites is the Well Trained Heart by Donna Reish .
OK, one more thing. Your toddler can’t get on a mac & cheese-only kick (or whatever other junk food) if you don’t feed them mac & cheese, etc., to begin with. They’ll probably go through those one-food-only stages, but as long as you surround them with nutritious choices at least they’ll be gorging on something good for them!
Something I with I would have known is to listen to advice and a lot of times people are super helpful but sometimes just remember that’s you are the mom and you know what’s best. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I may have to go against what everyone is telling me to do and do what works best for my baby. Each child is so different.
You are already a good Mommy because you are concerned with wanting to be good to Evangelle, you are seeking advice from other Moms, and because you are seeking God’s face. Evangelle is indeed a blessed baby girl.
A couple of thoughts (I have three children, 14 year old daughter, 8 year old son, and 16 month old daughter, and have been married for 17 years):
-You will inevitably make mistakes as we all do with our children. Try to be gentle with yourself when you do. Kids are amazingly resilient. And never be afraid to apologize to your kids when you goof–they need to see that Mom and Dad make mistakes, too, and it levels the field a bit. Your kids will also be more inclined to be more gracious with others, if you do.
-Once Evangelle is home and there’s something of a ‘normal’ pattern in your lives, don’t forget to nurture your marriage. It can be a tricky thing to keep things fluid to where sometimes your child needs to be the priority, and others when your marriage needs to be the priority…but your marriage was first, and one day, Evangelle will have her own life, but your marriage will still be there. The suggestion of date night is a great one, and necessary, as is building in time to talk, privately and uninterrupted, with your husband each day.
May God continue to bless your family!
I guess I should have listened to my own sister about the mac & cheese, ha ha!
I knew this would be a popular post! We all love to hear ourselves talk and share our wisdom.
Just a couple of things:
– Every parent, every family, every child, every age/stage is different. And there are many different opinions out there on EVERYthing, from pacifiers to Babywise. I already see differences in approach just from the responses here. There’s no wrong or right way to do these things. Everybody’s opinion will vary based on their experience. It’s like looking up product reviews online and some people hated it and some loved it, so you are left even more conflicted than when you started! The Bible does not say, “Thou shalt let thy child soothe himself to sleep by sucking his thumb.” But you will do just fine figuring it out. (And you’ll quickly form your own opinions!)
– Don’t sweat the small stuff. As a first time mother, I over-thought everything from napping schedules to strollers (should it have a cup holder??!) to introducing new foods and everything in-between. These issues aren’t worth the stress and once you’ve been through it a time or two you will realize that.
– I am guessing Evangelle isn’t the only child you plan to add to your family, so I would just say to enjoy the easy times with just one child! I wish I had known how easy life was back then. You can probably even fit in some time for hobbies and reading and all that when you just have the one.
Trust your own instincts- God has given you the desire to be a mother and He will fulfill it and provide you with what you need to parent this beautiful daughter. Pray often. Hold her close, she needs to bond to you and your husband over other people, especially at first. Read Karen Purvis’ book, ‘The Connected Child’ now and refer to it often. She is a godly, PhD educator from Texas Christian University who has done decades of work with adopted children (children from hard places as she likes to call them). Wish I had it sooner! I totally agree with lots of sleep, flexible routines and consistency. Let your yes, be yes, and your no mean no. Enjoy, soon she will be all grown up!
Barbara Stewart, mom of 4 adopted kids
Love this post and the comments. I’m learning from them too!
One, fully and wholeheartedly agree with the assessment that you’re ALREADY a good Mommy!
Two, I totally back the advice to hold all advice loosely. You may doubt it and question yourself, but all our moms were right in telling us that you’ll learn your baby’s cries and everything else that specific child is trying to say, etc. I never would have believed it until it actually happened!
Three, have fun! Having a child was something I never could imagine for myself since I never babysat and was always geared as overly analytical. But, being a mommy is the best! Seeing a child grow in stature and knowledge is such fun! Try to laugh and enjoy all the love in your arms with that little one! God truly does bless us richly in these little ones!
Missy, there’s been a lot of posts and good advice, so I’ll keep my comment short. The only thing I would add is that one of the biggest things I’ve had to learn is that I cannot do everything I once did. This was hard for me to learn and I still am learning it, maybe because I am such a perfectionist by nature. Prioritize each day’s duties and focus on them one at a time, and don’t let yourself feel guilty when you can’t take on the things you used to. You and Joe are going to be such great parents. Praying for you!
I am so super excited for you both! Being a momma is priceless and one that I cherish everyday. Wish I had excellent advice to share, but I’m still learning as I go and gleaning from many others that have gone before me. My two girls are 5 and 7 and something I’ve learned in the short time of being a momma is that children are so forgiving. I mess up all the time as a mom, but I’ve learned that especially at their fragile age, an apology and a hug means so much to them and in turn, I see them doing it themselves to others. Another piece of advice that I have learned is so valuable is to pray, pray, pray. Pray for them everyday. And that God would give you wisdom as a mom. I know that it sounds clich’e, but this has helped me 110x over. At her young age, something that will be helpful to you is to get her in a good sleeping pattern. I read Babywise and it was my saving grace. At those young ages I promise you that she’ll be happier and healthier as well. Babies are HARD WORK and can be exhausting so a well-slept mother is a happy mom and we all know that “If momma’s not happy, NOONE is happy!
Have fun. Thank God daily. Laugh and enjoy every moment~no matter how many times you will hear it, it’s true…THEY DO GROW UP SOOOO FAST!! 
There is so much here already that I think what I was going to share has already been written so eloquently, but my main piece of advice is to do what YOU feel is best as a mother for your child.
What other people, advice on the web, parenting books, etc. tell you to try will not always work for you and that is okay! God created Evangelle to be her own person and unique and special. So it will take patience and prayer in many areas to know the right thing to try. And what works one week, will not always work the next week. Patience and flexibility are very important.
I think as a type A person who likes to have things structured and constantly in control that I have learned that the more laid back you are – the more laid back your kids are. Being flexible really is huge. The ability to adapt to different surroundings and environments is so important – we had our kids used to sleeping in different places and they are pretty good about it now (there were sometimes it was hard when they were really really young, but I am glad we didn’t stay home every time there was an opportunity to go away).
Lastly, I would say as a parent that it is easier to say no to certain things than to say yes and have to go back and take that away once you realize it wasn’t the best choice. So if your motherly instincts tell you not to let your child have something or do something, stick to it. I have regretted this myself and it was very hard to have to say, “I’m sorry but Mommy didn’t make the right choice and we cannot do this any longer.” which also leads me to say – you will not be perfect. You will make mistakes and some wrong choices, but learn from them and realize that it is all part of parenting and you are not alone. There is a great support system out here for you.
I am praying for you and Joseph. I know you will make wonderful parents and I see the love in your eyes already for Evangelle. I am sure Addison is excited to have a cousin too!
Addison IS super excited to have a cousin, and we are even more super excited to have a niece
Perhaps you are wondering why I didn’t throw my two cents in the ring yesterday. Well, to be quite frank…I don’t think you need it! God has already used you in my life in so many ways to teach ME how to be a better mother – and you weren’t even a mother yet! I know that as you seek His face daily and continue to cling to His Word, He will equip you with all of the wisdom you need to handle every situation you face from day to day. We love you 3 so very much!
You don’t know me. I am a mother of 4 between the ages of 12 to 12months. I guess the only advise that I would give is to not expect yourself to be a perfect parent. There is no such thing. We are constantly making mistakes in our own lives and as parents – but that is where Christ comes in! PTL for that! Seek the Lord in all that you do and trust that He will give you what you need to be the parent that you need to be. He will never lead you astray! So realize that you will make mistakes. Pray daily for your little girl and for yourselves as parents. And remember that as it is important to listen to others advise, just realize that not everything will work for your child and your family. The only advise you must adhere to is the Biblical principles.