Are You for Real?

I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.

Psalm 17:15

Don’t you love this video? It’s kind of freeing to watch, isn’t it? Wow. It’s amazing what they can do with Photoshop these days. There used to be a day when a photo was a record of fact, but it would seem that day is long behind us. When it comes to photos, the line between fact and fiction is very easily rubber-stamped out. I should know. I studied art in college and learned just enough of Photoshop to be dangerous. As it turns out, the only use I have for my shoddy Photoshop skills is in retouching my Facebook photos. At last, the truth comes out… It’s truly amazing what that little rubber stamp tool can do. Flyaway hair? Stamp, stamp, stamp—It’s gone! Shiny forehead? Stamp, stamp, stamp—Never existed! Funny crease in your neck? Ok, you get the idea. The point is that when you see one of my photos, it’s highly likely that you’re not just seeing me, you’re probably looking at a slightly enhanced version of me.

As I’ve thought about this topic, I’ve realized that touched up photos aren’t the only means that we have for presenting a slightly enhanced version of ourselves to those we meet. Some of us are better at it than others, but I think that we all struggle from time to time with the temptation to show a photoshopped picture of ourselves to the world. What am I talking about? Let me answer that with a question, “Are you for real?” It’s funny that such a question even needs asking; after all, we’re all real, right? Well, yes, we all exist, but, no, we are not all real. As women, we’re pretty good at putting up a good front, and as Christian women, unfortunately, we’re often even better at putting up a better front. Phony baloney—that’s how my family used to describe it. You might use other words to describe this kind of behavior—being insincere, disingenuous, fake, artificial, superficial, plastic, hypocritical, or unnatural. Yuck. These are not pleasant words.

Here are some that have a much better ring to them: real, transparent, genuine, sincere, natural, honest, straightforward, or undisguised. Mind if I ask you a tough question? Which set of words do you think people are more likely to use to describe you? I’ve been asking myself that question lately. I’ve also been asking myself why that first yucky list of words could so often be used to describe our interaction with one another. Why do we feel more comfortable showing others the artificial, touched up version of ourselves instead of letting people see who we really are? Why are we tempted to hold people at arm’s length? Why the phony baloney? Although we could probably come up with a multitude of reasons, I think that there are often three main heart issues which motivate us to hide who we really are from others—fear, guilt, or pride. Let’s take a look. 

Fear—Who am I?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? I know I have, at least a gazillion times throughout my life. Knowing our identity is a key issue in being able to relate genuinely with others. If you don’t know the answer to the question “Who am I?” you can easily become consumed with fearful thoughts about your identity. And as you know, it’s hard to reach out to others when you’re all wrapped up in yourself. The good news is that if you’re a Christian, you need never struggle with an identity crisis again. Everything you need to know about who you are is found in God’s Word. And let me tell you, it’s an inspiring read. For those of us who are “in Christ Jesus,” here’s just a little bit of who the Bible says that we are:

Rescued, Redeemed, Forgiven, Reconciled, Holy, Blameless, Beyond Reproach, Made Complete, Raised Up, Made Alive, Chosen, Adopted, Heirs with Christ, Sealed in Christ, Seated with Christ, Saved, Created for Good Works, Brought Near to God, Given Access to the Father, Members of God’s Household, and So Much More…

As believers in Jesus Christ, this is our identity; this is who we are! I encourage you to see it for yourself in the Word. The first two chapters of Ephesians and Colossians are a good place to start. The confidence that we need to live and love boldly comes from knowing exactly who we are because of our relationship with Jesus Christ. Christian hip-hop artist Lecrae conveys this confidence well in his song “Identity”:

I’m not the shoes I wear, I’m not the clothes I buy
I’m not the house I live in, I’m not the car I drive
I’m not the job I work, You can’t define my worth
By nothing on God’s green earth, my identity is found in Christ.

Fear—What do they think of me?

Although God’s opinion of us is the only one that truly counts, if you’re like me, then you probably spend far more time worrying about what others think of you than what God does. The world calls our concern for what others think of us by many names—low self esteem, insecurity, an inferiority complex, codependency, etc. The Bible has a much simpler name for it—the fear of man. When we allow our lives to be governed by the fear of man, we’ll quickly find ourselves nearly paralyzed with worry about what we should or should not say or do. We want others to like us, so we carefully plan out our words and actions in the hopes that we can make ourselves more attractive to them. Instead of being transparent with those around us, we function more like mirrors, trying to reflect the behavior of those that we see as admirable. The speech of a person governed by the fear of man may be marked by flattery, exaggeration, flat-out deceit, boasting, excessive talking, or the overuse of humor. Rather than allowing others to see who we really are, we focus on showing them who we think they want to see instead.

Proverbs 29:25 speaks of both the danger of this kind of lifestyle and the antidote: “The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted.” We avoid the trap of fearing man by trusting in and fearing the Lord instead. If we allow the fear of man to rule us, we’ll be just as phony as the Pharisees and rulers of Jesus’ day who “loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God” (Jn. 12:43). Jesus, on the other hand lived not with a goal of pleasing others but of always pleasing His Father (Jn. 8:29). If we allow that kind of single-minded focus to dictate our behavior, we’ll be far more likely to show others the real deal and throw the phony baloney out the window. ;)

How does that sound to you?

Read Part Two

An excellent resource for overcoming the fear of man in your life is When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch. I can’t recommend this book highly enough!   

6 thoughts on “Are You for Real?

  1. Ben just finished doing a series with the teens totally based on this book. It is SO needful. It’s amazing how we fall into the fear of man everyday and don’t even realize it. Thank you for your articles!

  2. Thanks, Becky! It’s great to hear that Ben has been teaching your youth about how to overcome the fear of man. What terrific subject matter for teens to learn about early in life! You’re right; it is so needful. I could use a refresher on the topic every day! :)

  3. Hi Missy!
    Glad I finally found my way to your blog. I look forward to reading part 2 tomorrow. Fun to see hints of our B.C. classes/learning in your writing ( :

  4. Hey, Jennessa! I’m glad you found your way here too! Yes, there is definitely a lot of influence from our biblical counseling classes; I’ve got to do something with all of that book learnin’. =)

  5. Missy,

    It was such a blessing to read this article. Thanks for being so transparent with your thoughts! This is something that we all struggle with and if we can’t admit it then we struggle with it more than we think! :0)

    Please continue to let the Lord lead your heart as you blog.

    Love, Christi

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